27th August 2006

I decided to write about what has been going through my mind- eating my time, energy and concentration out for the past few days.

A sense of deprivation, a strong feeling of loss and unreasonable illusion about the future is all what I can put them if at all I have to express them in words. I was observing all that was going on at the back of my mind. I was making a trifle effort to come out of the ‘mental agony’ I was undergoing. Was that an agony or am I exaggerating? I don’t want to reconsider. It was an agony. I am a happy go lucky person and any small 'PJ' (Poor Joke) can bring laughter from inside me. Then what did I lack in life that made me go on searching for it. Have I seriously lost anything? Is there anything called loss?

All the time we possess something or the other, either an identity or an object or a company or some work and what not. Then what did I lack. I had everything in life. I was into one of the nation’s top Bschools. I had very supportive parents and family. A great group of friends! Then what the hell was going wrong? Am I hallucinating? I had to find out… There begins my search. Life, as it takes its twists and turns, teaches lots of lessons in its own mysterious way. How much have I learnt out of it so far? Hmmm..I think I have done fairly good amount of churnings about my experiences with life. But how much did I apply? The score board was empty when I tried to evaluate. I was surprised to see I have never applied any of my learning. But! Why? Have I not learnt them properly? There came the answer. The lessons never get repeated. Once you have learnt one lesson you are pushed to the next one. And now I have stepped into a new phase of education on life. Sounds interesting! New phase! What was that? I would never know till it ends. That’s the way it goes. How abstruse? But what is that am gonna do with my mental state. Go with the Flow!! Yes! That’s the best way to treat. Sit back and relax.. Life is a journey that takes care of everything all by itself.

All you have to do is mentally sit back and relax. Mind you! I repeat MENTALLY! Do your duty! Results will follow. It indeed works. And the sense of satisfaction that follows is truly amazing.

Signing off with a zeal to touch the sky
Sukanya.